Thursday, April 9, 2015

Introduction

Hello, and thank you for checking out my blog! I always find writing is so therapeutic whether its for a good or bad reason.  I started this blog to chronicle my life going on 30, but if you read any of the posts, it was one hell of a roller coaster. It's been almost a year since I have written anything, and my last entry was me going down the unhealthy spiral. Sadly, that spiral didn't stop until January of this year.

I am getting ahead of myself so allow me to tell you a little more about me. I am 32 years old born and raised in LaPorte, Indiana. I currently live in Mishawaka, Indiana with my boyfriend Ricky. We have 2 adorable cats together, Oliver and Sophia. We've been together since August 2013, and we both know that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. I currently work as a 911 Dispatcher which I just started at the end of January. Before that I worked at State Farm, Family Video, Catherine's and Hilton Inn.

I have battled with my weight most of my life. I never really learned portion control as a kid. I just thought I needed to eat the ENTIRE box of the family size mac and cheese or an ENTIRE bag of Starburst jelly beans. I never really savored each bite either. I ate as if some troll was going to snatch it from me any second. My saving grace for a few years was the love of basketball I had starting in the 5th grade ending my senior year of high school. I stayed active, stayed in decent shape until I got cut my junior year. It was a devastating blow, and the pounds crept on. I was cut again my senior year, but joined the swim team to keep me active. By the time I graduated high school, I weighed 250 pounds.

My freshman year of college was a blur to be completely honest. A month into school, my father took his own life. It was a shock to me, and I didn't cope the way I should have. I found comfort in food, alcohol, and guys. About 6 months after my dad's death, I met a guy who kept me grounded and handled my crazy well. We started dating, and I decided it was time to get healthy. So, during summer break, I joined Weight Watchers for the first time. I lost 25 pounds, wore an Old Navy size 18, and looked & felt pretty good. Then, I returned to school and was introduced to the world of radio and became addicted to music, concerts, and all the parties that followed. The guy & I broke up only to get back together a few months later. I ended up gaining 40 pounds after that...thanks a lot Ben & Jerry.

The struggle continued all through my 20's. Up and down, up and down. I did every diet you could think of: Atkins, Fat Smashers, low carb, high carb, taco bell...I did them all! I learned that every time I got out of a serious relationship, I managed to drop the weight and tell myself "Never again" and then I would meet a great guy and gain it all back. Friends...that is exactly why I am here today!

In 2010, I met my ex Patrick while living in Alabama. He was a teacher living in Tennessee. He went through his own healthier journey, losing over 100 pounds on his own through diet and exercise. I honestly didn't expect us to get together, but we did. We ended up being together for 2 1/2 years but didn't work out for many reasons. One of them, was because of my health. While we were together, it was discovered that I had tarsal coalition which is where my tarsal bones in the back of my foot are abnormally connected. This causes a lot of pain when I am on my feet for too long and a lot of swelling on top of it. I still deal with it today, and do plan on fixing it, but at the time of diagnosis, I couldn't afford surgery or taking time off work. So, I dealt with it, and at the end of each shift, I was in pain. Once I was down, I was down. On top of my ankle problem, we both gained the "happy weight" which caused stress as Patrick didn't want to fall back to his old ways. So, we both would work on getting healthy. However, it just didn't stick...we were long distance, I worked weird hours, and when I was home by myself, I would binge eat. Hell, the night he broke up with me, I had driven to Sonic and got burger, fries, a large sundae. He showed up unannounced, and I hid the food before opening the door. Yeah...it was bad.

I spent the rest of 2012 trying to pump myself up to become this fabulous new me. I was determined to be this smokin' hot lady by her 30th birthday which is December 1st. I moved from Tennessee to Paducah Kentucky, and was miserable because I was alone. I ended up eating my emotions some more, and by January 2013, I weighed 322 pounds. I knew changes needed to be made. So, I started up Weight Watchers online, worked out, stayed true to myself, and by May 2013, I lost almost 50 pounds. I felt amazing, confident, and in control.

I moved back in with my mom and step-dad May 2013, and met Ricky August 2013. It was a whirlwind start because just 2 weeks into our relationship, I moved in with him! Guess what came along with that? You guessed it, weight gain! From moving in with him until December 2014, I gained 100 pounds. I kept lying to myself with each pound that crept on. "Oh I will start next week and lose like 10 pounds right away"-"This bag of jelly beans won't kill me"-"I will start fresh tomorrow" and before you knew it, I tipped the scale at 382 pounds wearing a size 26/28 and 4x in shirts.

Okay, so that is my introduction to me. I will hopefully write a couple times a week. I hope that people come across my blog and know that they are not alone in the struggle. Its something I will have keep under control for the rest of my life. I can't just lose the weight then go back to my old ways expecting to stay healthy. I have an Instagram account (journey_to_wonderwoman shameless plug I know) and have met so many fabulous people who help keep me inspired. 

Thanks for joining me on my journey.

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