Saturday, April 25, 2015

Getting Stronger Every Day

  I am approaching the 5th month into my journey to a healthy me, and I am amazed at the changes I see not only in my body, but also in my mind.  As stated before, I am a closet binge eater, and sugar, candy, chips, cookies are all my weaknesses. I am the one in charge of grocery shopping, so it was very easy for me to buy a bag of Twizzlers and stash them in my car for only me to enjoy. However these days, it's different. Sometimes, I stop and stare at the candy, tempted to grab a bag and say I'll just "have a few" but we all know I'd eat that whole bag! Instead, I ask myself, "Is it worth it?" I think of the workouts I do where I push myself so hard I almost throw up or think of the people who inspire me who have the same struggles as I do. Is it worth the $2.99 bag of Twizzlers. No!
  I find myself doing this often...resisting the urge to just eat it all! Don't get me wrong, I do have cheat days where I ask myself "Why did I do that?" However, the days where I really dive off the deep end are few and far between. I am feeling more in control, a feeling I honestly don't think I have had in a really long time. I allowed food to control me and my life, but now I'm taking that power back.
  I also have been more honest with myself and holding myself accountable for EVERY thing I eat. When I would have cheat days, I would not log it. "It's fine, I am not going that crazy" I would tell myself. Then the next day was another cheat day. "I'll just change my weigh in day or skip it this week and start fresh Monday." This was the constant pattern for me. I'd hold steady for a few months, and then just blow it all. This time, on days that I even blow it all, I still write it down and see the damage I have done. Again, it helps me think twice about having a piece of candy or cake.
  I am trying not to brag or sound conceited because I know I will continue with the struggle for the rest of my life. Right now, I am just proud of myself because of where I am. I have a very long road when it comes to how much more weight needs to be lost, but I certainly enjoy celebrating the little victories along the way. Make sure you do too. Sometimes, we get lost to what the big picture is that we forget to enjoy the little things.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

My A-ha! Moment

  I think everyone on their journey to healthy has that a-ha moment where they realize they need to make changes. It can be a big wake up call like a health problem or a little one like when their clothes start feeling tight. Mine was a little bit of both.
  As I stated before I am a closet binge eater. That means I eat, a lot and alone. I would eat candy and cookies in my car, in my office, when Ricky wasn't home I would eat pints of ice cream. When I was kicking butt in 2013, I got rid of most of my big girl clothes because I said I wouldn't need them. Well, I did and eventually outgrew those to a size 28. I left my job at State Farm in September and started my job at Centier Bank in October. I thought that with my work schedule and lack of stress, losing weight shouldn't be a problem. WRONG! I continued to eat crappy, not exercise because 5A.M. was too early and I was too tired to workout after work. It wasn't long before I started getting numbing, tingling sensations in my left arm. It happened out of the blue, and it happened frequently. I was scared out of my mind. I didn't have insurance so going to a doctor was out of the question, but I was worried and so was Ricky. I then started freaking out about what else could go wrong...blood clots, my heart, diabetes, stroke...I knew I had to make a change. A-ha!
  God knows how many times I woke up hating life, hating myself, hating my body, and hating the fact that I let myself go. I cried so many times. I missed out on so much in the last year because I didn't want to face the people who cheered me on before. I didn't go fishing with Ricky or his dad, I didn't go out to sing karaoke, I didn't go to many family events. I didn't enjoy life. Food was my weapon of choice and I felt like I was committing a slow suicide with each spoonful of ice cream I ate, each bag of jelly beans, each box of cookies. Food was controlling my life yet again.
  I now realize that this struggle will be forever. I could go back to my old habits at the drop of a hat and not think twice about it. What makes my journey today so different is I have the eyes and ears of so many people who have similar struggles. We are there for each other, and that has saved me so many times. I have resources to help me understand is my body hungry or just my emotions?  Are the jelly beans really worth the 5 points? I am more aware of what my weaknesses are and how to keep those binge urges at bay. Working out has been my saving grace when I feel stressed or emotional along with writing out what I struggle with.
 

Thursday, April 9, 2015

Introduction

Hello, and thank you for checking out my blog! I always find writing is so therapeutic whether its for a good or bad reason.  I started this blog to chronicle my life going on 30, but if you read any of the posts, it was one hell of a roller coaster. It's been almost a year since I have written anything, and my last entry was me going down the unhealthy spiral. Sadly, that spiral didn't stop until January of this year.

I am getting ahead of myself so allow me to tell you a little more about me. I am 32 years old born and raised in LaPorte, Indiana. I currently live in Mishawaka, Indiana with my boyfriend Ricky. We have 2 adorable cats together, Oliver and Sophia. We've been together since August 2013, and we both know that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. I currently work as a 911 Dispatcher which I just started at the end of January. Before that I worked at State Farm, Family Video, Catherine's and Hilton Inn.

I have battled with my weight most of my life. I never really learned portion control as a kid. I just thought I needed to eat the ENTIRE box of the family size mac and cheese or an ENTIRE bag of Starburst jelly beans. I never really savored each bite either. I ate as if some troll was going to snatch it from me any second. My saving grace for a few years was the love of basketball I had starting in the 5th grade ending my senior year of high school. I stayed active, stayed in decent shape until I got cut my junior year. It was a devastating blow, and the pounds crept on. I was cut again my senior year, but joined the swim team to keep me active. By the time I graduated high school, I weighed 250 pounds.

My freshman year of college was a blur to be completely honest. A month into school, my father took his own life. It was a shock to me, and I didn't cope the way I should have. I found comfort in food, alcohol, and guys. About 6 months after my dad's death, I met a guy who kept me grounded and handled my crazy well. We started dating, and I decided it was time to get healthy. So, during summer break, I joined Weight Watchers for the first time. I lost 25 pounds, wore an Old Navy size 18, and looked & felt pretty good. Then, I returned to school and was introduced to the world of radio and became addicted to music, concerts, and all the parties that followed. The guy & I broke up only to get back together a few months later. I ended up gaining 40 pounds after that...thanks a lot Ben & Jerry.

The struggle continued all through my 20's. Up and down, up and down. I did every diet you could think of: Atkins, Fat Smashers, low carb, high carb, taco bell...I did them all! I learned that every time I got out of a serious relationship, I managed to drop the weight and tell myself "Never again" and then I would meet a great guy and gain it all back. Friends...that is exactly why I am here today!

In 2010, I met my ex Patrick while living in Alabama. He was a teacher living in Tennessee. He went through his own healthier journey, losing over 100 pounds on his own through diet and exercise. I honestly didn't expect us to get together, but we did. We ended up being together for 2 1/2 years but didn't work out for many reasons. One of them, was because of my health. While we were together, it was discovered that I had tarsal coalition which is where my tarsal bones in the back of my foot are abnormally connected. This causes a lot of pain when I am on my feet for too long and a lot of swelling on top of it. I still deal with it today, and do plan on fixing it, but at the time of diagnosis, I couldn't afford surgery or taking time off work. So, I dealt with it, and at the end of each shift, I was in pain. Once I was down, I was down. On top of my ankle problem, we both gained the "happy weight" which caused stress as Patrick didn't want to fall back to his old ways. So, we both would work on getting healthy. However, it just didn't stick...we were long distance, I worked weird hours, and when I was home by myself, I would binge eat. Hell, the night he broke up with me, I had driven to Sonic and got burger, fries, a large sundae. He showed up unannounced, and I hid the food before opening the door. Yeah...it was bad.

I spent the rest of 2012 trying to pump myself up to become this fabulous new me. I was determined to be this smokin' hot lady by her 30th birthday which is December 1st. I moved from Tennessee to Paducah Kentucky, and was miserable because I was alone. I ended up eating my emotions some more, and by January 2013, I weighed 322 pounds. I knew changes needed to be made. So, I started up Weight Watchers online, worked out, stayed true to myself, and by May 2013, I lost almost 50 pounds. I felt amazing, confident, and in control.

I moved back in with my mom and step-dad May 2013, and met Ricky August 2013. It was a whirlwind start because just 2 weeks into our relationship, I moved in with him! Guess what came along with that? You guessed it, weight gain! From moving in with him until December 2014, I gained 100 pounds. I kept lying to myself with each pound that crept on. "Oh I will start next week and lose like 10 pounds right away"-"This bag of jelly beans won't kill me"-"I will start fresh tomorrow" and before you knew it, I tipped the scale at 382 pounds wearing a size 26/28 and 4x in shirts.

Okay, so that is my introduction to me. I will hopefully write a couple times a week. I hope that people come across my blog and know that they are not alone in the struggle. Its something I will have keep under control for the rest of my life. I can't just lose the weight then go back to my old ways expecting to stay healthy. I have an Instagram account (journey_to_wonderwoman shameless plug I know) and have met so many fabulous people who help keep me inspired. 

Thanks for joining me on my journey.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Step 1: The Purge

  I have been wanting to write this post for quite sometime. There has been a lot that I need to confess and get off my chest, but I simply haven't had the time....or that could be an excuse to not face my inner demons. However after a margarita or two, I've decided it's now or never. I may kick myself in the butt tomorrow for this, but maybe I will wake up feeling anew.

  Last year I went on this ass kicking healthy me 2013 campaign. It was great, I lost almost 50 pounds, I found the confidence I had lost so long ago. I felt empowered over my health and my life. When I first started dating Ricky, I kept up my healthy habits. Then, in October, I got promoted to manager at the video store. It was an exciting new chapter in my crazy career at Family Video, but I didn't realize the challenges that were ahead when it came to my health. For starters, my home was in a time zone an hour ahead of where I worked. So, by the time I got home from work after a 45 minute commute, it'd be close to 9P.M. Ricky would wait for me to have dinner, and most nights, I didn't feel like cooking, so we'd order pizza or go out to eat. Other nights, I'd be in so much pain from my ankle that I wouldn't sleep very well because I had spent most of the night crying in pain praying to God that he'd let me sleep for just a few hours. I never wanted to wake up early to workout before work, and the pain I was in certainly didn't put me in the mood to workout after work. Add that to poor decision making with eating, and the pounds came back on...a lot of the pounds. In fact, all of the weight I had lost has come back on and then some. I feel like a failure not only to myself, but to the cheerleaders in my life that kept me motivated. I look in the mirror, and I am disgusted. I am so blessed to have a man that still sees me as beautiful, but he deserves the healthier me. The girl he fell in love with when I was so happy, full of life, and not consumed with self hatred and guilt because I let my unhealthy habits get this far. I feel on the verge of giving up on myself and everything that matters to me. I don't even want to see family or friends because I am ashamed.

  This winter was quite a bitch in the northern states as everyone who doesn't live under a rock knows. So much, that I decided I couldn't continue my career at Family Video (among other factors like the time zone difference, my ankle, my health, my sanity)  I loved my job, but I was not the manager that store deserved. At the end of the day, I'd be in so much pain that I just left. I could have spent more time with my staff, but instead, I was ready to go home, get off my feet, and spend time with Ricky. I didn't show the pain I was in at work every day unless it was unbearable. Ricky had to deal with my tears, my anger, my frustration...he hated seeing me in pain. We both knew it was time for a change. So, I started searching for a new job, and after a long time of searching, accepted a position at State Farm as a client representative. Why State Farm? Well, I have State Farm insurance, and I was thinking of while living in Kentucky how my SF lady Leslie was one of the few people there for me when I needed her the most. She called me while I was in the emergency room after my car accident, and when I said goodbye to Bruizer, she was the first place I went to. I want to be someone's Leslie although hopefully not for the same reasons! I want to help people make sure they are protected when life throws challenges even if it's something as simple as renter's insurance. Family Video and State Farm have the same views when it comes to their customers, so I feel at home here. The hours are great even if I have to stay late. I get Sundays off so Ricky and I can go to church, and I am off by 2p.m. on Saturdays I work. I can eventually get into a routine with working out, working, cooking, etc. It's a nice change, but of course there's the money.

  I made pretty good money at Family Video, so taking the job at State Farm was a pay cut...a pretty big one. It wasn't a shock as Ricky and I both knew this was going to happen. I still can't help but feel terrible when I have to ask him to help me with a bill because my paycheck wasn't enough or I spent too much on groceries. He's been absolutely amazing and supportive. Starting off in sales, its tough because I need to build my business, and that doesn't happen overnight. When I left Family Video, I told them I would be more than willing to help out at stores if needed, but with this job, it's difficult. I can't just tell a client, "Sorry, I can't sell you this policy because I have to be out by this time." Plus, I don't want to work on Sundays because I really want to belong to a church and be active. Not to mention, the whole healthy me routine wouldn't work out if I closed the video store at midnight and tried to wake up at 5. I was also excited about my new job because I wanted to start focusing on my Mary Kay business on the side, but I need business and money to order my product and inventory which is something I don't have. I know I am beating myself up, and I shouldn't. I am way too hard on myself, I know, but I just wish I didn't feel so worthless. All I can think about is money, and how I am going to pay certain bills.

 Today as I was looking into lowering my car payments, cashing in my small 401k that I have, I broke down in tears and just prayed. I have felt so heavy and filled with darkness, that I just surrendered asking God for guidance and help. I want to see light, feel happy, smile, and be joyful of every day I wake up instead of stressed, disgusting, and worthless. I'm no good with hiding how I feel, so I feel all I have done lately is cry and not be cheerful. I feel so alone. I feel so disconnected from the very few friends I have left, and I am so afraid that I am just going to be another forgotten soul. I have already let go of people in my life that I held on for dear life, but didn't do the same for me. I guess I have come to realize who my true friends are anymore, and honestly, aside from blood family, I have a handful of people I know I could count on. What sucks, and this is selfish of me, is that they live far away and/or have husbands & families of their own. I feel left out in a lot of life events because I don't have a husband or any kids. Some days, I feel I can never get to that point because I don't want to rush to get married or have kids when I am barely hanging on with just supporting myself. My sister Carrie did say the best thing she could which was, "We can make all the plans we want, but God is making the decisions. Trust Him." It's a reminder that I need to stop worrying and dwelling, and trust God. He knows how many times I have questioned Him about the direction I was going or the strength I had to handle difficult situation. You'd think I would've learned by now.

  After praying today I felt better. That is until I went fishing and Ricky caught three fish, and I caught none. I still enjoyed the beautiful weather and the amazing scenery outside the apartment. I feel better as I am concluding this blog because I show my moments of weakness with the random negative Facebook status updates, and I am sure some loved ones are curious as to where this comes from. Well, here it is. I can be very self destructive with my attitude or outlook on myself, and this is my therapy. First step for me is to just let it all out, and I can go from there.

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Sometimes When You Know, You Know. Ya Know?

  I tend to take a few months hiatus between posts which is pointless with a blog. I'm supposed to update once a week or something like that, right? Ah well, it's better to leave a few months in between for me because if I wrote an entry once a week, I don't know if I would have much to say! However, this time around, I have some catching up to do (unless you're a friend of mine on Facebook...then you probably are caught up for the most part!)
  So, let's see...ah yes, my dating life that I "put on hold" was my last topic of discussion. I was seeing someone, but it didn't work out. I decided to put myself back on Match.com and Plenty Of Fish just to put myself out there. I wouldn't make an effort to contact someone, but if a guy contacted me that I'd be interested in, then I would respond. Great plan, right? Unfortunately, Plenty Of Fish offered mostly creepers. I went on a couple of dates that didn't become anything. Again, I was okay by that, but I started to feel frustrated. Then, Ricky came along...and I have been all smiles ever since.
  Ricky and I met via Match.com. We started exchanging e-mails, and chatted every day. We hit it off very well, and a week after we started talking, we had our first date. I was super excited and nervous, and to start it off I was 10 minutes late. I told him I was just keeping in suspense (ha!) but he was forgiving. He brought me flowers (was the first guy to bring me flowers on the first date!) I could tell we were both nervous...I wouldn't shut up and he just listened. The original agenda was to go to dinner, then to a Silverhawks game. However, his car had a different plan for us! We were going to ride together, but his car wouldn't start. First we thought it was low on gas, got some gas in the car, and it still wouldn't start. He kept his cool, eventually fixed the problem, but it was too late to get to the game. So, plan B was bowling and a movie. We had a lot of fun, but I am horrible at reading people, and I honestly wasn't sure if Ricky liked me. I was starting to feel super nervous because I really liked him.
  After bowling, I asked Ricky to take a picture with me to remember our first date (although how could I forget!) Afterwards he kissed me, and that was it for me. I felt at ease knowing that he liked me too, and I was able to enjoy the rest of our date even more. I honestly didn't want the night to end, but it had to. I was on cloud 9, and honestly have been ever since.  
  It's already been a month, and I have been spending a lot of time with him and he is simply amazing. We have met each other's families. I love his family! We have had lunch with my family, dinner with Carrie & Dan, and we always seem to have a good time. Of course meeting the family can be nerve-wrecking, but after the first meeting, I feel comfortable and at home around them. They are so loving and supportive. This past Sunday I went to his church, and it reminds me a lot of Brentwood Baptist which was the church in Tennessee I loved so much. I had yet to find anything like it or a church where I felt the way I did at Brentwood.
  A lot of people get "comfortable" when they meet their person. In my history of dating I did that a lot. I would not take care of myself like I used to. Looking back at pictures when I was with Patrick, I let myself go until the very end of our relationship. I had my moments where I would lose weight, but with Patrick it was because he would threaten to leave me if I didn't change not because I WANTED to make those changes. I have been on my journey to a healthier me since January and although I haven't been as on track with my eating & working out, I have not let myself go. Ricky makes me WANT to continue to be healthy and be a better person. He doesn't make me feel like I have to because he accepts me for who I am now. What an awesome feeling this is! There are a lot of firsts for me so far, and the way I feel is a first.
  In other news, I found out the other day that I will be the new manager at the LaPorte Family Video starting October 1st. The current manager will be moving to Texas to be closer to her family, and she will be transferring to a Family Video there. I am really excited for this opportunity because I learned so much during my time in the south, and I can really be the manager I am supposed to be. I am in such a better place than I was a year ago mentally and physically. I have a better support system, I know my customers, and I honestly feel at home and as if I belong. I really feel a lot of good things are about to unfold or will continue to unfold, and I am just so thankful for it.
  Another cool note, I just read on Facebook that Restaurant Impossible is coming to LaPorte! They are going to work on a restaurant called Seven. I am anxious to see how it turns out. I used to work there when it was Reed's, and I know the owner after that didn't do well. Obviously, Seven is having some trouble, but Chef Robert Irvine is amazing! If the decor is still the same or similar it can definitely use a nice makeover. It will be nice publicity if all goes well. Yay LaPorte!
  Football season is here, and I am loving it! I am actually participating in my fantasy football league this year, and man! I suck so far! I am 10th out of 12, but hopefully I can catch back up this week. We'll see if my risky moves in my roster pay off.
 Until next time, friends! Go Irish, Go Bears, & Roll Tide!

Monday, June 24, 2013

God Causes All Things To Work Together For Good

  To say that God works in mysterious ways is an understatement. My recent struggles in my life have been why God has allowed certain things happen (heartbreak, car accident, Bruizer, rejection, etc.) When I look for a shoulder to lean in, I am told, "All things will work itself out and this hurt will one day make sense." Honestly, I have wanted to just punch a wall every time I heard this. Of course, I was angry and felt like I was being tested in my faith, sanity, and how strong my heart really was. Today, things are starting to make sense. My sister Carrie is right...God was just protecting me.
  Let's start with the heartbreak. From previous blogs, I have mentioned a guy that I talked to, we got together, hit it off, and then he threw me what I now call his "sales pitch" as to why a relationship wouldn't be a good idea. I say sales pitch because that is what he does for a living. A few weeks, he suddenly has a girlfriend he is crazy about. I was furious, hurt, and felt used. I haven't spoken to him, removed his # out of my phone and Facebook. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. My good friend visits from out of town, and she is still Facebook friends with this guy. She asks, "Have you heard the craziness that has gone on with him and his girlfriend?" Turns out, they were on again, off again, and on again. While they were on again, this girl gets a tattoo down her ribcage with his name on it! It's huge!! A week or so later he dumps her. What the hell, right? This is the crazy God was protecting me from. His impulsive behavior and cannot make up his mind with what he wants, his yo yo relationship, and the fact that he let this girl get a huge tattoo with his name on it (the second one who has done this by the way) just to dump her a week or so later. So, last Wednesday, guess who I get a text from? That's right...this idiot! He was seeing how I was since it's been so long since we've talked. Um, yeah there is a reason for that. I never responded and I have no intention to. I deserve better than this.
  To ignore the text was a big step for me. I am a forgiving person...too forgiving to be honest. I felt like a champ to not respond to the text. However, I had another distraction which I feel God placed in my life so I wouldn't go back. In my last blog, I mentioned how I am putting dating on hold, and I had cancelled my Match.com subscription. I still had a couple weeks left for guys to message me, and this one guy did. We've been talking for a few weeks, and we just had our first date Saturday. It went really well, and I had a great time. Whether or not this turns into something, I think he was in my life at the perfect time. It's nice to have a good distraction.
  A couple weeks ago, my mom was in a bad car accident. She got t-boned on the driver side by a van who flew over a hill at an intersection. She was driving my step-dad's truck, and if she was driving her car, she wouldn't be here. By chance she was driving the truck because she was supposed to pick up mattresses for my nephews. She was hurt pretty bad, and she is still recovering. It will be a long process, but she has me and my step-dad to help around the house. "Thank God Ashley is there." is the most common phrase used. Who knew that I would be needed as well with this move! Oh wait, God did! 
 In other news, the insurance rep for the guy who hit me came by my work to pick up some paperwork regarding my injuries. He offered me a settlement amount. It's not the amount I was hoping for, and I don't intend to accept. If anyone has advice for this matter, please feel free to leave it! I don't want to be greedy by any means, but I don't want to screw myself over by settling then having something come up later. 
 My journey to a healthier me is still going strong. Each day I feel better about myself, and I am starting to see a difference in my ankle a little bit. I still am in pain, but it's not as intense and recovery time is shorter. I am so close to 50 pounds down! I am hoping this week is my week!
 I hope all of you awesome readers are doing well and have a great week!

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Please Wait While I Put You On Hold, Love Life

  It's been a little over a year since Patrick & I broke up, and since then I have had one guy that had a chance to make something happen, and most of you know how that ended up. As time has passed, and my lack of luck in the dating world continues, I found myself down that bitter road. I looked onto other couples with jealousy, looked at people who are ugly on the inside have the happiest life, and I look at me asking the same question, "Why not me?" or "When is it my turn?" I see all of the guys I dated who hurt me and were so awful about it happy with their new girl, and I just am alone. No dates, no guy chasing after me, nothing. The worst part is, I keep telling myself God has a plan for me, and to just be patient. With each passing day, I felt bitter, angry, upset with God. I'd sit in church listening to the message, and last week was about how when life seems to be so difficult, rest assure that it will get better. I just cried. When will it get better?
  I joined Match & Christian Mingle because I am a glutton for rejection punishment. I told myself, "Try it for one month, and see how it goes." Well, it went absolutely nowhere! It left me frustrated because the guys who liked me were not the ones I wanted, and when there was a mutual interest, I'd initiate the conversation just to get ignored. So, of course I decided to give that up because again, I was feeling that negativity I hate so much.
  Suddenly, just a few days ago, a sense of relief came over me like I was at peace. God knows when I need moments like these, and it reminds me that He is listening & there for me. Then, the logical side of me kicked in.  Right now, I am in no place to start dating. There is so much I need to get in order before considering going on any dates such as getting a new car, getting my finances in order, continue getting healthy, oh and there is living with my parents. I don't want to rush fixing myself just so I can date again. I still find myself a catch, please don't think I am trying to get sympathy. I am beautiful, funny, smart, and easy to love. I know this! I just don't feel comfortable with where I am in my life, and I need time to get myself to where I want to be. So, love life, I am putting you on hold for a bit. I used to be scared that I am 30 and still single with no sign of settling down, but now, I am fine with it. I don't want to feel marriage and having children is on a deadline. If I am meant for either, it will happen.
 I think my biggest struggle in all of this, is the fact that most of my friends have families of their own, so when I want company or girl time, it's difficult to find. Sometimes I feel left out because I can't relate to the family life they have. The silver lining is that when it is my turn, I have a lot of friends to lean on for advice and tips!
 In other news, I am down 45.4 pounds! Woop woop! I am REALLY proud of myself with my health accomplishments this year. My biggest fear was when my car accident happened, I was going to fall back into my old habits, especially since I couldn't work out and friends were bringing me dinner, taking me out, and I was emotionally eating to keep myself from crying all the time. I gained about 9 pounds after my accident, and after I moved back home, I got right back into my healthy habits. I am loving the girl I am seeing in the mirror. I am gaining confidence, seeing results, and even feeling sexy ha! I think once I get to my year mark or goal weight, I will share my very first before picture. It's amazing how far I have come. I am not comfortable with sharing it just yet.
 I get to go to the chiropractor on Friday to get my back checked out. The doctor was correct when he said I would have back and neck problems. I feel occasional pain here and there, and I want to get it checked out as the guy who hit me insurance is calling and wanting to see how I am and talk about a settlement. I don't want to rush it because if I have anything wrong that will affect me in the future, I want to make sure I have money to get it taken care of. I am hoping nothing major is found and my healing can finish up sooner than later.
 See, this post was a little more upbeat, right? :)