Monday, January 23, 2012

Hello? Can Anyone Hear Me?

  Sometimes, I feel invisible to some people that are extremely important to me, and it breaks my heart. How to handle it,  I have no idea. I know I am not the best at responding to calls, messages, etc but I do try. I know we are all busy and have lives, but at the same time, is 5-10 minutes for a quick call too much to ask for?
 I feel so alone sometimes, and I get to a breaking point where I am ready to just move to Spring Hill already so I don't miss out on spending time with friends I have made through Patrick. We started this monthly get together with three other couples, and already I missed out on the first one. I could make a nice list of other events I have missed out on. There just comes a time when you are ready to share your life with the person you love together, in the same area, and I am there.
 On a happier note, I lost 2.6 pounds this past week, making it a total of 9.2 pounds down. I am hoping for the 10 pound mark next week!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Let the Healing Begin!

  This week I receied a device to start the healing of my ankle. It's called a bone stimulator, and I get to wear it 10 hours a day! I don't feel anything, but I am worried I am not wearing it right...Imagine trying to put an elbow pad around your ankle. I get to follow up with the doctor in about six weeks to check on the progress.
  I lost 3.8 pounds this past week, and I was very pleased! I am on a good path, and so is Patrick. We even inspired one of his co-workers to join Weight Watchers. It feels good to have that kind of inspiration...it makes me want to keep going so I can keep inspiring. This week, I have had nothing but the munchies, but I've managed to keep on track. I am aiming to workout 5 days this week.
   A couple nights ago, I had a dream with my dad in it. It's been awhile since I've had a  dream with him in it..they feel so real when I do though. It breaks my heart all over again. The only thing I remember in the dream was it took place at a job fair/health convention, and my dad was invited to speak as a motivational speaker for runners. When I saw him, I ran up to him, and hugged him while bawling my eyes out. I didn't want to let go. An onlooker asked "What is going on there?" Someone replied, "He's been dead for almost 10 years." like it was nothing. When I dream of my dad, it makes me realize how much I do miss him. Especially when it's coming close to time for me to get married, have kids, and he won't be there. It's almost like when I am moving on or if there is an important moment in my life coming up, I am reminded he is still there.
  Looking on a brighter note, I am off work for the next 4 days, and I am loving it! Today I am hoping to clean the apartment and get my laundry done. Then I can relax the rest of the weekend in a nice and clean apartment. Here's to a great weekend!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Turning Crap Into Lemonade

  The last few days I have been an emotional roller coaster. It really started yesterday...a combination of wanting to spend time with the boyfriend and being reminded how I can sometimes suck at my job. I felt so small yesterday, and today I am just scared.

  Today I went to my ankle doctor to go over my MRI results. Good news: It's no longer a coalition which means chances of surgery have slimmed dramatically. He is going to have the radiologist look at the MRI again just to be sure. What I do have is a bruised bone in my ankle, and there is a lot of stress around that area. In the future I will be getting a bone stimulator, and I have to be in the boot until God knows when. I should be pain free in 6-12 months. I cried...I wanted to complete the Chicago Marathon by my 30th birthday, but I don't even know if I can run at all. When I do heal, I will get shoe inserts to wear at all times. Patrick (my boyfriend) was there to make me smile...at least I will be pain free one day, right?

  I am scared more than anything...the doctor says I need to keep off my feet as much as possible, but I work a job that makes it impossible to do so. I want to do the best at my job, but I am afraid I won't...like physically. Mentally, I am all about trying to get things done...I guess this will be a nice challenge for me. It's time to really count on my team, train them for success, and follow up with every delegation.

  Patrick and I went shopping today. I refrained from clothing stores because I knew I would go and buy unnecessary outfits that I don't need. I did buy new shoes to work out in and shape ups by Sketchers. It feels a lot better than the Reebok Retones. The Sketchers are a lot like the boot I have to wear. It was a nice day with Patrick...every time I wanted to cry, he would make me smile. I am really lucky to have him in my life. He is such a blessing. He is the master of turning crap into lemonade.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Missing: Motivation

This week's weigh in, I was up 2.8 pounds. I was expecting a gain, but I was still left frustrated. So, I was ready to take the current week head on. I was determmined to track everything, get to the gym for a nice work out stat, and get myself organized. So far, I have failed to do 2 out of the 3. On my days off work, I find myself wanting to do absolutely nothing. I just want to stay in my pj's, watch movies, and snuggle with Bruizer. I need to snap out of it!
 My question to you awesome readers are, what do you do to motivate yourself?
 I guess it's a good thing that I am finishing up the 2nd season of One Tree Hill, and I don't have the 3rd season in my possession yet.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Introducing....me!

  Happy New Year to all! I can't believe it is 2012 already...2011 flew by way too fast! I decided to create this blog as this is the year I turn 30, and this is also going to be the year where I find myself in a better, happier place.
  We all say it...every year that we're going to lose weight or get rich or do this or do that. This blog will help me hold myself accountable. I have found that when I share my journey, I keep motivated. Even if times get tough or I am not having a good week, people help me get back on track. So, if you are reading this, and you continue to do so, thank you. It means more to me than you know.
  This is the year that I turn 30...December 1st. There are a few goals that I would like to see accomplished! Some are big, some are small, but I want this year to be the start of happiness. By that, I mean I am happy with ME...my body, my finances, my job, myself.
 First, is my health. All of my life, I have struggled with my weight. It wasn't so bad while I played basketball, but now that those days are way behind, it's been a roller coaster. It's to a point where I don't take pictures because I fear how I look or fly somewhere because of the fear that I may not be able to buckle the seat belt. It's time to stop letting food control my life and take control of my health! I recently rejoined Weight Watchers Online because that helps a lot. It also helps that my boyfriend Patrick has joined along with me. I don't have a certain amount I want to lose just yet, but as long as I get healthier, I will be happy.
 Next, finances. I need to stop spending on the wants. It's time to turn to Dave Ramsey! I am a spending fool, and I keep finding myself cheating the system by knowing how long it takes certain businesses to cash checks so that I may get food or put gas in my car. I should not be living like this! This holiday season I turned to credit cards to afford gifts for my family and loved ones. Again, HUGE no no. I'm trying to get out of debt, not deeper in it. This will be a challenge..especially when it comes to wanting jewelry, clothes, etc. I suppose I can turn that into a rewards system with my weight loss!
  A few other small goals is to capture moments with Patrick, my friends, and my family. I barely took pictures in 2011...I want to try to take at least one picture a day whether it's of me, Patrick, or something beautiful. I want to share my life in Tennessee to my friends who I don't get to see often. I want to manage my time better...when I leave work, I leave! I need to fit working out into my daily schedule, also get enough sleep, keep my apartment clean, organize, spend time with Bruizer. I want to keep in better touch with my friends and family. I also want to be a better manager and be able to teach my staff more so that my job doesn't get out of control stressful.
 So throughout this year, I will share my triumphs and my troubles, my smiles and my tears. Here is to an amazing year with lots of changes (hopefully all good changes) to come!