Sunday, April 28, 2013

Bruised but Not Broken

  I am ready for April to be over to be honest. Only three days of this month is left, and I am so excited for May to be here. Not only have I been hurt, but friends & family that I love and care about have been hurting. I hate seeing those I love cry or feel heartbreak. I just hope May brings a lot more sunshine in our lives.
  The boy who made me smile a few months ago, managed to make me cry. I think I am more mad at myself for allowing him to hurt me or think that he was a decent guy. He proved to me otherwise. The one thing I really don't like is being lied to or being fed BS to avoid hurting me. When he decided not to pursue a relationship with me, he kept saying how he likes me and it's just his job. How this decision was really hard for him but he didn't want us to fail and burn bridges with me if there was a chance for us in the future. We talked off and on afterwards, but not as much. I don't hear from him for a couple weeks, and I decide maybe it's just time to let go. Of course the day after I decide that I hear from him briefly. The day after that, I find he is with another girl. He doesn't have the decency to tell me. I was hurt, but mainly furious. I was used, led on, lied to, and feeling the way I was afraid I was going to feel if I opened up to someone. Those bridges have burned to ashes as a friend or any other relationship. I plan to never speak to him again.
  Friday night I was in my first car accident ever. I was on my way to meet my friend Megan at Sweet Cece's. I was coming straight from Mayfield. I was crossing an intersection where my light was green, and a van ran a red light and t-boned me on the passenger side. My car spun, and hit head on with the guard rail. Now, this intersection is an overpass, and my car hit the guard rail going maybe 10-15 mph. All I remember is screaming, trying to brake with no luck, and praying to God that the guardrail would hold. If it didn't, I would've gone off the edge, onto another highway, and not have made it. I was a hot mess. My glasses had flown off, I lost a shoe, and I was just scared out of my mind. I called Megan in a panic to let her know what happened, she came to help me. A car stopped to help find my glasses and tried to keep me calm. The other people were okay. Megan took me to the ER, and by then I was calm trying to laugh and not be a mess. I have chest contusions, really bad bruising, a little burn rash from the seat belt, and random bumps and bruises on my legs and arms. I will take this over being dead. My car is in bad shape. I honestly don't know if they will consider it totaled or not. Tomorrow I get a rental until my car situation gets figured out. I am hoping this doesn't delay my moving plans.
  I went to LaPorte for a day to drop off a car load of my things and meet with the manager at the Family Video so we can get to know each other. I didn't get to see many people, but fear not! Only 12 more days (I hope!) and then I am home! Let's party :)

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Someday Soon, I'll Find You. Someday Soon, I'll Know You.

It's been almost three months since my latest entry. Believe it or not a lot has happened! I took a two month leave from Facebook. I felt myself going back to the dark feelings of jealousy and resentment. I LOVE seeing updates from people who I've known for years. We're all at that age where people are getting married, having kids, getting engaged, etc. Then, there is me...30 and single with zero dates since Patrick and I broke up. Hell, I haven't even been asked out on an actual date. It kind of kills the confidence. So, I needed a break to really focus on me. A lot of good came of it especially with my health. I even got to feel butterflies again, smile, and blush like a little school girl.

First, let's start with my health. I started back up on Weight Watchers, and I got into a routine of working out. So far, it has really paid off. I have lost 34.8 pounds, I am looking good, I am feeling good, and it's just an all around good feeling. My ankle isn't hurting as bad which helps my daily life. I don't feel as constricted with what I do every day. Maybe one day I can find myself running on the treadmill again :)

Ah, butterflies. To have that feeling again was amazing. Not only was it nice to talk to a guy that makes me smile, but to know I am capable of having that feeling again is refreshing. A few friends and family know the reason behind this. A guy I went to high school with and I started talking, and we ended up liking who we were getting to know. He sent me roses on Valentine's Day, was so sweet, and made me feel beautiful. He came and visited me, and we hit it off really well. I was excited to see what the future had in store. Unfortunately, it wasn't much. He has a job that demands a lot of his time and requires a lot of traveling far away, so to try to start a relationship wasn't a good idea. So, we've decided to stay friends. I won't lie, I was really bummed. I thought things were falling into place, but in the end, a lot of things unfolded that would work against us. Hey, I gained a new friend, so not all is lost, right?

I try to keep optimistic about my dating life, or lack there of. Someday, maybe I will have my cinematic moment where a guy sees me, and instantly knows he just has to have me. Or, if he tries to let me go, realizes he is a freaking idiot and turns right around. I don't know...I keep praying about it, and I really just need to focus on my relationship with God. He has a plan, and I just need to trust Him. Yes, I keep telling myself this because I am just ready to share my life with someone. Life's a happy song, when there is someone by your side to sing along. (yes, that is from the Muppets.)

I got to visit my family in Indiana for a weekend. I got to meet my friend Jennifer's beautiful baby girl Kennedy, hang out with my sister Carrie & boys, and my mom & step-dad. I realized how ready I am to be home. So, with that being said, I am happy to share that next month, I will be moving back to LaPorte! I am really excited! I just can't wait to be close to my family & friends again. This is just what I need...to surround myself with love and positive vibes. Plus, I will have support all around, which is what I lack in Paducah. When I have a bad week, which the last couple of weeks have been rough, I have been alone. I have cried my eyes out with Bruizer on my lap, and it's just not the same. I need people on my side, who want to see me succeed in whatever I do, and I have one person here. I'm going to miss her like crazy.

That sums it up about what's been going on with me. My next blog entry will probably be when I am back in Indiana. Yay!