I am approaching the 5th month into my journey to a healthy me, and I am amazed at the changes I see not only in my body, but also in my mind. As stated before, I am a closet binge eater, and sugar, candy, chips, cookies are all my weaknesses. I am the one in charge of grocery shopping, so it was very easy for me to buy a bag of Twizzlers and stash them in my car for only me to enjoy. However these days, it's different. Sometimes, I stop and stare at the candy, tempted to grab a bag and say I'll just "have a few" but we all know I'd eat that whole bag! Instead, I ask myself, "Is it worth it?" I think of the workouts I do where I push myself so hard I almost throw up or think of the people who inspire me who have the same struggles as I do. Is it worth the $2.99 bag of Twizzlers. No!
I find myself doing this often...resisting the urge to just eat it all! Don't get me wrong, I do have cheat days where I ask myself "Why did I do that?" However, the days where I really dive off the deep end are few and far between. I am feeling more in control, a feeling I honestly don't think I have had in a really long time. I allowed food to control me and my life, but now I'm taking that power back.
I also have been more honest with myself and holding myself accountable for EVERY thing I eat. When I would have cheat days, I would not log it. "It's fine, I am not going that crazy" I would tell myself. Then the next day was another cheat day. "I'll just change my weigh in day or skip it this week and start fresh Monday." This was the constant pattern for me. I'd hold steady for a few months, and then just blow it all. This time, on days that I even blow it all, I still write it down and see the damage I have done. Again, it helps me think twice about having a piece of candy or cake.
I am trying not to brag or sound conceited because I know I will continue with the struggle for the rest of my life. Right now, I am just proud of myself because of where I am. I have a very long road when it comes to how much more weight needs to be lost, but I certainly enjoy celebrating the little victories along the way. Make sure you do too. Sometimes, we get lost to what the big picture is that we forget to enjoy the little things.