Sunday, July 22, 2012

Little Victories

It’s been a couple weeks since I’ve blogged! Tonight, I need to kick off the week with positive energy. My heart has been very heavy for the past few days because of the awful things happening to the good people around me. I have been keeping those who are hurting in my thoughts & prayers every day hoping God will help get them through their grief while having those hurting keep their faith. I know it’s difficult to keep strong in faith when something terrible happens in your life. We don’t understand, and in return, we are angry with God. Believe me, I know. However, God is there to help you get through it, He is there for you to talk to, yell at, or cry to, and love you. I don’t think what has happened is always God’s will as some people state, but I know He is there to help you grieve and heal.
Anyways, back to my subject line, little victories! Too often I look at the big picture of my goals thinking I am getting nowhere, and I ignore the little victories I have. For example, at the checkout at Wal-Mart last week, I was ready to grab some sort of candy that I didn’t really need, but it was just there. I managed to tell myself “No! You’re not even hungry!” I gave myself a mental high five. Getting a snack at the checkout line is a habit. Point for me! On my way to work, I got to listen to a sermon from the church I used to go to with Patrick (hooray for iPhone apps!). I may not get to read the Bible every day, but at least I used my driving time for God. I still have a long way to go in that department.  Finally, today, for the first time ever, I went to the movies by myself. I used to think how silly that was because I usually had a friend or a boyfriend to go to the movies with. The Dark Knight Rises came out this weekend (in case you sleep under a rock and wasn’t aware of that), and I really wanted to go see it. I had today off, and figured, why not? I had a lot of fun laughing and crying and sometimes talking to myself. I’ve decided I need to get out more, and I don’t always have to be with someone to do so.  I am not going to make new friends by sitting on my couch surfing Facebook all the time, and we all know my track record with meeting people online. I like feeling independent and not needing to have someone with me.
I am one step closer to completely healing from me & Patrick’s break up. I listened to a few songs I have been avoiding for the first time the other night, and I didn’t cry or get a heart punch. I was pleasantly surprised because these were songs I cried to while I was with Patrick because they were so sweet (Five for Fighting “I Just Love You”, Brad Paisley “Then” are just a couple.) We usually danced to these songs together. Not one urge to shed a tear. Also, I was cancelling my account since I have no desire to ever go back on there to find love again, and I got curious…yep, I searched to see if Patrick maybe put himself out there. Sure enough, there was his profile! I admit, I started shaking when I clicked on his pictures…I wasn’t sure how I was going to react or how I should. Thankfully, once again, no urge to cry or heart punches. Little victories.
Me and MyFitnessPal and I are about to become BFF. My friend Ben has been blogging all sorts of different challenges he has done from giving up bad habits to becoming a vegan for a week. It’s honestly very admirable to read about these adventures, and it inspired me.  I want to do a challenge that I could actually do and not fail after two days. So, I am going to do the 100 day challenge with him which is pretty much writing everything I consumer and logging when I exercise, and having a daily summary of how I am doing. I will weigh myself once a week just so I don’t get pissed off if I don’t see the numbers going down. This is why Weight Watchers worked, and also when I kicked ass, I could share it and hear/read words of praise and encouragement. I need to get my healthy habits back and stop eating junk. Here’s to the little and big victories over the next 100 days!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Home is Where the Heart is...For a Little While

  I have been visiting my family and friends in LaPorte since this past Monday. It has been wonderful catching up with them since most of them I haven't seen since May '11. I still feel 7 days is not enough time for a visit since there are still so many people I have yet to see. If you are one of those people, I am so sorry. I will be back in November for Thanksgiving (hopefully) and who knows, maybe my next move will be closer to LaPorte.
  Aside from my nice vacation, I have kept busy with work. I started training another MIT, which I am very excited about. Wednesday we will be organizing and cleaning the store, which will help me tremendously so I can concentrate on training the staff. I am enjoying my time off now because I have a lot of work ahead of me. I have two new hires starting this month, and will be looking to hire a few more.
  At the end of August, I will be moving. Where? I have no idea right now. It honestly can be anywhere. My Regional Manager asked me if I had any restrictions of where to go, and I told him no. I could honestly use the fresh start. Then, as I spent more time here, I realized how much I miss my family and friends. That made me wonder if there was room at the LaPorte store for me. On the flip side, I get reminded why I moved in the first place.
  I have a problem of being too open with my heart. I know, it's been a little over a month since Patrick and I broke up, and sure I am still healing, but that doesn't mean if someone doesn't come into my life I am going to immediately push it away. Well, now maybe I might...because each time it seems that I just get hurt and pissed off at the end. I'm sick of feeling as if something is wrong with me when I know that is not the case.
  I have learned even more about myself when it comes to what I look for in a guy. My dating history has been me as the guy's first girlfriend. Like I have molded them to find what they want in their next girl. I'm so over that. I want a guy who has dated before, who likes sports as much as I do, outgoing, can make me laugh, is family oriented, and I'm sure I will think of more later down the line. Right now I am in the mindset that all men are assholes. Just in my world. I know us girls can be crazy, and I am not saying every man out there is...just in my world right now. I will continue to think that until someone can prove me wrong.